


The Very Secret Diaries... Atlantis Style!

by valderys



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: sga_flashfic, Crack, Gen, Homage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-27
Updated: 2010-07-27
Packaged: 2017-10-10 20:03:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valderys/pseuds/valderys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Excerpts have come to light of the innermost thoughts of selected members of the Atlantis team. You have been warned :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Very Secret Diaries... Atlantis Style!

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2006 for the Documentation Challenge on Sga_flashfic. An homage (not shameless exploitation :) of Cassie Calire's LotR's Very Secret Diaries.

** The Very Secret Diary of Major John Sheppard **

**Day 1**

Found a cool underwater city. Didn't drown. Met a hot scientist. Think I ought to try leaning and stretching near him, just to test the waters. Ha ha. Enemies killed: 0 Not good.

Still not in command.

**Day 2**

Found a cool rustic village. Met a hot alien babe. Knew I was bound to sooner or later. Seems to be sooner. Huh. Neighbours not so friendly though. Enemies killed: 0, but not through lack of trying.

Still not in command.

**Day 3**

Found a cool alien spaceship. Rescued hot alien babe. Yay – go me! Better not touch her though – Rodney would kill me if I tried anything. Enemies killed: 7. Enemies woken up: 5,476,592. Approximately.

In command. Oops.

What was I thinking?

 

** The Very Secret Diary of Dr Rodney McKay **

**Day 10**

Let the Major push me off a balcony today. He's too cute to live. Actually, rather worried about that. Seems to have deathwish. Being invulnerable though, really cool. Being shot sort of tickles.

Am definitely smartest in the city. Go me!

**Day 11**

Went to Weekly Briefing. Was definitely smartest person there. Should save city more often, as it seems to lead to extra Jell-o.

Caught Teyla eyeing up the Major. Will kill her if she tries anything.

**Day 15**

Am worried my small hairy assistant is smarter than me. Impossible. Am definitely smartest in the city.

Not sure the Major is so cute when being eaten by bug though. Being dead doesn't suit his complexion. See entry: day 10.

**Day 17**

Might have known alien space babe was too hot to trust. The Major won't listen to me though, not even when I tell him I saw her hogging the coffee supplies. Enjoys playing with sticks too much. I'll show him.

Still the smartest.

**Day 20**

Children are annoying. Next time my small hairy assistant can play with them. Wonder if I can persuade the Major to play with my stick instead? Have idea for game with Jell-o.

Foresee dark times ahead. Luckily am still smartest by far.

 

** The Very Secret Diary of Dr Carson Beckett **

**Day 23**

Met alien space babe today. Pegasus Galaxy full of them. Usually they fancy Major Sheppard. Damn his siren call.

**Day 24**

Most unusual. Alien space babe into me instead. Said, have you met Major Sheppard? Although Rodney will kill her if she tries anything. Thought she might be short-sighted. Offered her glasses.

**Day 25**

Explains everything. Alien space babe interested in my technology. Lure of shiny equipment cannot be denied. Damn its siren call.

**Day 26**

Nope, still into me. Can't understand it. My dear old Mum would have conniptions. Must test alien space babe for disorders of the brain.

**Day 27**

Just after hot alien space vampire, after all. Damn their siren call.

**Day 30**

Nope. Still into me. Am starting to believe it.

**Day 31**

Might have known. Mum is always right. Alien space babe died. Unnecessarily too. Told her I was going to perfect serum, but duty came first. Damn its siren call.

**Day 32**

Bollocks.

 

** The Very Secret Diary of Dr Kavanagh **

**Day 42**

Still can't believe I agreed to come. Must learn not to have drinking competitions with supervisors, although fat chance of that here. Ideas belittled again.

Stupid McKay.

**Day 43**

McKay still worst team leader in the galaxy. 'Small hairy assistant's ideas are almost worthwhile.' Blatant favouritism most annoying.

Stupid Zelenka.

**Day 44**

McKay nearly blew up Atlantis today. Stupid city. Stupid storm. Stupid Genii.

Think Kolya fancies Major Sheppard. Huh. McKay will kill him if he tries anything.

Being evacuated sucks.

**Day 45**

Laptop gone missing in the evacuation. Have told colleagues that really important research is on it. Was laughed at. Will take grievance to Dr Weir.

Later.

Stupid Weir.

I want to go home.


End file.
